Is it the effect of staying & working late in the office 3 days in a row? I know I started to have lack of sleep. I couldn't hardly get up from the couch last night just to move in to my bed room. I didn't have enough energy to take a shower, not even to keep my eyes open. And this morning I didn't have the spirit to dress up quickly and go to work. And I said something that triggered my dad to anger--which I don't understand where I was wrong. It's been a mystery for years that me & my siblings never understand. And when he's mad, whatever we say is wrong. Saying anything is considered rude. And looking at him is considered rude. Whereas we think that looking at someone we talk to or talking to us means we respect him/her. Long ago when we are younger our parents said, theoritically, that we may express our opinions. But in practice we found that it's considered rude. So, what to do? We know they don't want us to express our opinion, that we must shut up and not say a word whatever we have in mind when we have an argument. So that shouldn't be called "argument" as we are not allowed to give an argument.

Actually this hasn't happened for a long while. For a long while our relationship is more or less peaceful. In process of moving out. In "peaceful" situation I'm not rushing it. But in situations like this (which used to happen now and then) I wish I lived far away from them so when we meet what we have is only the good things. But when we are "in peace" sometimes I don't want to leave them alone. The house would be empty. Well, my sister is still there but as soon as she finished school and get a job, she won't be home every day. My retired dad might feel lonely day to day, only late afternoon or early evening mom went back from work. But she has to leave for work again early in the morning.

I'm so sleepy and today after work I might stay late again for the conference. It will be on next weekdays, and the week after I will be on a business trip. Tomorrow is Saturday and I really, really hope that I can get some rest! And spa would be nice...