Is it the effect of staying & working late in the office 3 days in a row? I know I started to have lack of sleep. I couldn't hardly get up from the couch last night just to move in to my bed room. I didn't have enough energy to take a shower, not even to keep my eyes open. And this morning I didn't have the spirit to dress up quickly and go to work. And I said something that triggered my dad to anger--which I don't understand where I was wrong. It's been a mystery for years that me & my siblings never understand. And when he's mad, whatever we say is wrong. Saying anything is considered rude. And looking at him is considered rude. Whereas we think that looking at someone we talk to or talking to us means we respect him/her. Long ago when we are younger our parents said, theoritically, that we may express our opinions. But in practice we found that it's considered rude. So, what to do? We know they don't want us to express our opinion, that we must shut up and not say a word whatever we have in mind when we have an argument. So that shouldn't be called "argument" as we are not allowed to give an argument.
Actually this hasn't happened for a long while. For a long while our relationship is more or less peaceful. In process of moving out. In "peaceful" situation I'm not rushing it. But in situations like this (which used to happen now and then) I wish I lived far away from them so when we meet what we have is only the good things. But when we are "in peace" sometimes I don't want to leave them alone. The house would be empty. Well, my sister is still there but as soon as she finished school and get a job, she won't be home every day. My retired dad might feel lonely day to day, only late afternoon or early evening mom went back from work. But she has to leave for work again early in the morning.
I'm so sleepy and today after work I might stay late again for the conference. It will be on next weekdays, and the week after I will be on a business trip. Tomorrow is Saturday and I really, really hope that I can get some rest! And spa would be nice...
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Friday, August 11, 2006
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Thinking about myself...
Am I a SPOF in this organization?
Maybe. Considering how paranoid they are when I'm not here.
Maybe not. Considering the way they've been treating me.
Been thinking for too long to go back to where I always want to be. But I'm so far behind, need to catch up. Pingin ngambil sekolah design yang bagus - yang aku liat di sini Lasalle. Tapi ternyata...mehi bengi - mahal banget! Bahkan dengan keadaan yang sekarang (udah punya uang sendiri, gak minta lagi sama ortu), belom mampu. Can't afford it. Too expensive.
Dulu waktu masih sekolah, I always reminded myself that I have to earn my own money. Nggak mau terus2an minta sama ortu, terutama kalo cuma buat kesenangan sendiri. Dulu kalo mau nonton aja uang dihemat supaya bisa pergi ke bioskop. Kalo minta lagi sih mestinya dikasih juga, tapi gw bukan tipe peminta-minta. Malu sama diri sendiri. Masa' me-manage uang bulanan gak bisa? Selama sekolah (SMP~kuliah: +/- 11 tahun), ada 2x keadaan di mana gw terpaksa minta uang saku lagi sama ortu sebelum abis bulan. Ugh, rasanya sebel banget. Ngga enak sama ortu & sebel sama diri sendiri. Itu berarti gw gagal me-manage uang. Waktu timbul ketertarikan untuk mengeksplor banyak hal seperti fotografi, jalan2, design,... gw tau perlu modal 'lebih' dari uang saku. Makanya gw bertekad harus bisa menghasilkan uang sehingga untuk pengeluaran2 "pribadi" itu gw bisa biayain diri sendiri.
Waktu kuliah sempet lah dapet tambahan dikit dari jualan tas & aksesori. Lumayan. Setelah dapet kerja, syukurlah gue bisa nabung. Dan gw udah bisa ikutan manga school yang mahal baik uang semester maupun peralatan gambarnya. Gw biayai diri gw sendiri. Seneng rasanya ngga minta sama ortu, malah bisa nraktir ortu :) Gw bisa ikut kegiatan2 di luar kantor kayak aikido, belajar bahasa Jepang, manga school, yoga, dll. Berbekal kamera lama bokap, Nikkormat, gw bisa mulai motret lagi (yang dulu gw urungkan sejak harga film & biaya cuci-cetak mahal). Gw bahkan berhasil nabung utk beli kamera digital SLR, dan jalan-jalan ke Jepang! Jalan2nya sih gaya "melarat", alias nginep di tempat murah2, makan gak jelas, hehehe... tapi gw seneng banget. (Liat entry gw sebelumnya tentang jalan2 ke Jepang.)
Sekarang blm kesampean belajar design. Itu padahal minat gw pas lulus kuliah. Skripsi gw itu bikin multimedia. Abis lulus gw belajar multimedia sendiri (maklum masih nganggur & banyak waktu). Tapi mungkin Tuhan menakdirkan gw ternyata nggak bekerja di bidang itu, melainkan di industri perminyakan. Gw melakukan apa yang harus dilakukan, gw senang dengan suasana kerja, sampai akhirnya sekarang....... am I a SPOF or not?
Should I try harder so I can get the skill I need in the expensive school and then I can start doing something new I really enjoy (while still earning money)? Kayaknya dari tadi gw UUD gitu ya? Memangnya dikira gw bertahan kerja buat apa? Jelas buat uang. Karir, enggak. Kenapa uang? Karena si benda kurangajar itulah yang bisa membantu gw: jalan2, motret, bantuin ortu & adiks gw, merawat diri dan memanjakan diri,... (walopun sekarang waktunya susah.) Apa itu salah?
Am I a SPOF in this organization?
Maybe. Considering how paranoid they are when I'm not here.
Maybe not. Considering the way they've been treating me.
Been thinking for too long to go back to where I always want to be. But I'm so far behind, need to catch up. Pingin ngambil sekolah design yang bagus - yang aku liat di sini Lasalle. Tapi ternyata...mehi bengi - mahal banget! Bahkan dengan keadaan yang sekarang (udah punya uang sendiri, gak minta lagi sama ortu), belom mampu. Can't afford it. Too expensive.
Dulu waktu masih sekolah, I always reminded myself that I have to earn my own money. Nggak mau terus2an minta sama ortu, terutama kalo cuma buat kesenangan sendiri. Dulu kalo mau nonton aja uang dihemat supaya bisa pergi ke bioskop. Kalo minta lagi sih mestinya dikasih juga, tapi gw bukan tipe peminta-minta. Malu sama diri sendiri. Masa' me-manage uang bulanan gak bisa? Selama sekolah (SMP~kuliah: +/- 11 tahun), ada 2x keadaan di mana gw terpaksa minta uang saku lagi sama ortu sebelum abis bulan. Ugh, rasanya sebel banget. Ngga enak sama ortu & sebel sama diri sendiri. Itu berarti gw gagal me-manage uang. Waktu timbul ketertarikan untuk mengeksplor banyak hal seperti fotografi, jalan2, design,... gw tau perlu modal 'lebih' dari uang saku. Makanya gw bertekad harus bisa menghasilkan uang sehingga untuk pengeluaran2 "pribadi" itu gw bisa biayain diri sendiri.
Waktu kuliah sempet lah dapet tambahan dikit dari jualan tas & aksesori. Lumayan. Setelah dapet kerja, syukurlah gue bisa nabung. Dan gw udah bisa ikutan manga school yang mahal baik uang semester maupun peralatan gambarnya. Gw biayai diri gw sendiri. Seneng rasanya ngga minta sama ortu, malah bisa nraktir ortu :) Gw bisa ikut kegiatan2 di luar kantor kayak aikido, belajar bahasa Jepang, manga school, yoga, dll. Berbekal kamera lama bokap, Nikkormat, gw bisa mulai motret lagi (yang dulu gw urungkan sejak harga film & biaya cuci-cetak mahal). Gw bahkan berhasil nabung utk beli kamera digital SLR, dan jalan-jalan ke Jepang! Jalan2nya sih gaya "melarat", alias nginep di tempat murah2, makan gak jelas, hehehe... tapi gw seneng banget. (Liat entry gw sebelumnya tentang jalan2 ke Jepang.)
Sekarang blm kesampean belajar design. Itu padahal minat gw pas lulus kuliah. Skripsi gw itu bikin multimedia. Abis lulus gw belajar multimedia sendiri (maklum masih nganggur & banyak waktu). Tapi mungkin Tuhan menakdirkan gw ternyata nggak bekerja di bidang itu, melainkan di industri perminyakan. Gw melakukan apa yang harus dilakukan, gw senang dengan suasana kerja, sampai akhirnya sekarang....... am I a SPOF or not?
Should I try harder so I can get the skill I need in the expensive school and then I can start doing something new I really enjoy (while still earning money)? Kayaknya dari tadi gw UUD gitu ya? Memangnya dikira gw bertahan kerja buat apa? Jelas buat uang. Karir, enggak. Kenapa uang? Karena si benda kurangajar itulah yang bisa membantu gw: jalan2, motret, bantuin ortu & adiks gw, merawat diri dan memanjakan diri,... (walopun sekarang waktunya susah.) Apa itu salah?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)